I admire your dedication to work. Doing things right and putting in the extra effort even when people may not notice.

I appreciate your dedication to living out your beliefs.

I value your dedication to us, and making our relationship enjoyable and not just reliable.

Examples: “This mother board is compatible with these parts”; “in that year this company camp out with these things”; “this part is the same as that part, it’s just called something else”; “you can make these better parts work by doing this”; “the company manufactured x amount of these parts”; “this part can be used for that part”; “even though the documentation is wrong, you can still use these, and this is how”; “I’m sure I have a part that will work for that” … you get the idea, amazing!

Having established his geekiness, you might assume his knowledge or skills end there. You’d be wrong. He is not your typical geek. Not only can he fix my computer, he can fix my car too!

As an example:

Our car needed a new radiator. They no longer make the radiator. There is a new radiator, but it doesn’t even work as well as the original which was barely good enough. Bad choice. He found someone who builds a better radiator that will work. Knowing what type of radiator would be best point #1. Finding best radiator point #2. Being able to change a radiator point #3. Being able to make a radiator that isn’t specifically designed for that vehicle work with all the little parts that need to be tweaked, and in some cases designed, extra bonus points. Making it work the first time, bonus, bonus points. Not afraid to get help or do the work MEGA bonus point. He’s just so good.

Conclusion: I have an AMAZING man AND a new radiator. YAY!

By Shannon Nee, eHow Member

“Wives, respect your husbands.” Paul seemed to think that was necessary to include in his letter to the Ephesians. As Miss Piggy would say, “Who, moi?” Yes, moi. I’m tired of seeing husbands mistreated by their wives…I did it to mine for years. I learned the hard way, and he paid the price, so let me redeem that hardship by sharing with you how I now show him respect.

1. Step 1

   COMPLIMENT HIS WORK
   Men are very connected with their work, and a lot of self-worth is invested in what they do to make money or otherwise “show” themselves to the world. I take every opportunity, always sincerely, to compliment my husband on any achievement or success, even if it’s small, that has to do with his place in the world–especially among other men. I just try to let him know he’s my main contender, no matter what!

2. Step 2

   APPRECIATE HIS HUMOR
   When he’s being funny (and he often is), I smile and laugh as much as I honestly can. I don’t patronize him, but I do try to encourage him! During the years he sheltered his heart I could hardly get him to repeat some silly old joke. When he’s humorous with me now, that means he’s opening his heart and showing love. And reciprocating the good feeling means I’m respecting him.

3. Step 3

   SHARE HIS THOUGHTS
   Part of learning to be a respectful wife was learning to really hear what my husband said. I try to listen carefully, thoughtfully, when we talk together. I want to make my replies intelligent and supportive. It is a strong sign of respect to show him that I value his thoughts and concerns enough to weigh them with love and wisdom before I speak.

4. Step 4

   LET HIM BE HIM
   Day in and day out I shelled my husband with a constant barrage of critical talk. That’s right: nagging. He couldn’t cook right, talk right, or even watch TV right. I don’t know what I thought I was trying to accomplish…but it sure backfired! Now, to show him respect, I try to keep my mouth shut if I don’t like something. And if I don’t like something, I have to ask myself why, and also, how important is it? Nine times out of 10 it’s some quirk I have a thing about that doesn’t matter a bean.

5. Step 5

   USE GOOD TIMING
   I used to think that whatever I had to say to my husband had to be said immediately, or as close to immediately as possible. I had a lot of growing up to do! When I learned the value of good timing, communication between us improved dramatically. Men, like women, need space and down time. When he’s enjoying a game, time on the computer, or just sitting and thinking, I leave him alone. If I need to talk to him, I keep an eye on his activities, and wait for an appropriate “in.” If the topic is unpleasant, I save it for a daytime discussion when he’s rested and positive. If I want something, I wait until his team wins!

6. Step 6

   BE NICE IN PUBLIC
   Haven’t you seen her? Have you been her? The woman who thinks it’s “funny” to insult and undercut her husband in public? This is a surefire way to get him to really hate you. I tried to not do this, too much, but sometimes temptation got the better of me when I wanted to boost my self-esteem at his expense. How much better now when I show him respect instead, by laughing at his jokes, praising him about some accomplishment, and letting him tell a story or have a conversation without interrupting him.

7. Step 7

   DISTANCE THE KIDS
   I used to start arguments with my husband in front of the kids. Oh, what a shame that was. Talk about disrespectful: How about trying to make the most important man in their lives look like a fool? I beg you, women, please don’t do what I did. If you feel some serious fracas coming on, keep it down until you can be alone with your husband and have it out, as evenly and quietly as possible. There is untold damage in tearing down a father. Build him up, praise him, respect him instead. It is an incredible blessing for children to have a father that their mother respects.

There are certain things that are necessary to feel loved that are shared among nearly all people, regardless of gender.  This includes things like time together, touching, communicating, and other things of this nature.  This type of thing is worth of its own article, so for this article, I’m sticking with things that are either specific with regards to wives with their husbands, or at least more emphasized. Women, if you’re reading this, realize that just like you, a man doesn’t feel loved just because you say “I love you”.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t say it (you should), but you can’t just leave it at that… and most men won’t tell you that they don’t feel loved.  Many of them don’t even realize that is what is bothering them, they just know they aren’t happy, and possibly that it has to do with their relationship, but not be able to put it into a solid concept that they don’t feel loved. I’m a man
.  I know that most of the things I need to feel loved, when they are boiled down to basics, are the same for most other men.  There may be a few here and there that one of the things below do not apply to, or a few here and there where there is another essential addition.  If you are one of those men, and reading this, please add them in the comments.  For the vast majority, however, I think this list covers the basics.

So, with no further ado, ladies, here are some basic ways you can show your husband you love him

1.Respect Him

The most effective way to make a man feel unloved is to disrespect him, especially in front of others.  If you have any desire at all to take good care of your husband, and make him feel loved, do not ridicule him, overrule him, or dismiss him in front of someone else.  It’s bad enough to do it in private (you really do NOT need to use these methods… find another way to convey your message), but in public you might as well slap his face.

2.Admire Him

This is related to the first, but from the other side.  Respecting him is more about avoiding disrespect than an overt display of respect.  Admiring him, on the other hand is explicitly about conveying to him, by words or gestures, what it is that you like about him.  This can be body language, like giving him “elevator eyes” when he’s watching, if you like his body, or it can be words, like telling him that you love his sense of humor.  You should always make sure that you use something appropriate to the circumstances, however… telling him you love his sense of humor while you’re at his father’s funeral together might not be a good idea.  You also need to vary this, finding new (or infrequently used) little things to tell him you like on a fairly regular basis.  If you have trouble coming up with stuff on your own (are you sure you’re with the right guy for you?), then just instantly tell him when he takes an action you like… if he comes around and opens you car door for you, and you like it, tell him so.  Always hearing the same thing, like “I love your sense of humor”, makes it lose its power for this.  It gets to the point where he won’t really believe you, thinking you’re just saying it to manipulate him.

3.Let Him “Overhear” You Praise Him

This works wonders, but has to be used infrequently, and with caution.  It doesn’t work, and can feel manipulative, if you pretend like you don’t know he’s there, but he can tell that you do.  It’s much better, and safer, to ACTUALLY praise him to others, and occasionally he’ll be nearby when you do so, and overhear it.  This technique actually works if you do it outright, too, as long as you don’t over do it.  That is, you can flat out say to someone “My husband is great, he does for me”, with him sitting beside you, and it will make him feel like you respect and admire him (see above).

4.Drop Everything

This is a little thing that has major effects.  One of the most effective ways of showing someone you love them is to make them top priority, to the point where you stop everything you’re doing, whatever it is, to focus on them.  That is, you step away from the computer, let the baby play by herself, turn off the TV, stop cooking dinner, whatever it is you’re doing, and go to that person and specifically show them that they are your central focus RIGHT THEN.  This is particularly effective when you first see them after a separation (ie when you or they get home from work, etc.).

5.Notice His Strengths

This is similar to admiring him, but specific to his strengths.  That is, if it’s hard for you to get the lid off the jar, and you know he can, go ask him, telling him something like “I’m not strong enough to open this.  Can you do it for me?”.  If his strength is math, ask him to calculate the price per ounce of something (or a similar feat of arithmetic), telling him it’s too hard for you.  Don’t lie in this… he’ll know.  Just make a point of asking him to help anywhere that you know is a strength of his that complements a weakness of yours.  As noted, this can be physical or mental… “Can you move this for me, I can’t do it?” or “Can you help me figure out how to word this?”.  Just like admiring him, though, overuse of this in one area tends to lower its effectiveness, eventually becoming more annoying than complementary.

6.Forgive His Weaknesses

Your husband has his weaknesses.  All men do, and all women, too, for that matter.  Do NOT use his weaknesses against him.  If you use them to try to manipulate him, if you bring them up any time it’s not absolutely necessary, he will start feeling like you don’t respect him in that area.  This applies to showing off areas where you are noticeably stronger than him, too, unless it’s somewhere he feels he doesn’t need to (or can’t) compete, which is generally areas that are not considered masculine, or areas where it is widely acknowledged that special talent is required, like singing.

7.No Comparisons

One of the worst things a wife can do is compare her husband to an ex, whether husband or boyfriend.  Doing so is bad even if you are saying that your husband is better in some way.  Men understand that they were not necessarily the first person you were with, the first person you loved, but that doesn’t mean they want it brought into their conscious awareness.  And if you compare your husband poorly, as in he’s not as good at this or that, then this is multiplied.  You are disrespecting him, pointing out his weaknesses, AND reminding him that you were with other men before him.  That’s just asking to bring up negative emotions and associate them with you.

8.No Guilt Trips

It’s a classic, portrayed in uncountable movies and television shows… the wife gives her husband a guilt trip until he does what she wants.  Manipulating someone is a bad idea.  Clumsily manipulating them is even worse, but manipulating them at all is bad.  This has two sides, in that it’s bad for both the person being manipulated and the one doing it.  The person being manipulated, by definition, feels like he is having his power of choice taken from him.  If you feel that it’s still completely your choice, then you are not being manipulated.  That doesn’t mean that someone isn’t TRYING to do so, but if you still feel like it’s entirely your choice, then they are not succeeding.  Now, for someone who DOES feel like their choice is being taken from them, they will resent this strongly.  One of the most powerful motivating factors in a human life is the desire to be free, to prove that you can make your own decisions, and that those decisions matter.  Messing with this desire is playing with fire… if the person you are manipulating notices it, even later on, after the fact, they will resent it.  Since, in this case, we are talking about your spouse, that means that resentment is likely to be there, even if it eventually fades, as a factor when he thinks about you for the rest of your lives together.  It may be small, maybe even so small that he’s not consciously aware of it, but it will, none the less, be there.Manipulating someone is bad for the person doing the manipulation, also.  When you attempt to manipulate someone, you attempt to take some of their humanity from them.  They will, as mentioned above, resent this, generally resenting even an unsuccessful attempt.  But it’s just as bad for the person doing it, especially if they are doing it to their spouse, because it takes away from your concept of the person you’re trying to manipulate as a person, an individual, and instead turns them into more of an object.  Objects can be generally counted on to have the same output when given the same input.  Thinking of people in this way robs them of their humanity, their power of individual choice, making you respect, and love, them less.  Presumably, if you’re reading this article, that’s not exactly what you have in mind.

So there you have it, 8 ways to show your husband that you love him.  Some are things to actively do, some are things to actively make sure you DON’T do, but when they are all put together, and included with the things that all people need to feel loved, your husband will know, and feel, that you love him.

Pastor E.V. Hill served for many years as pastor of Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles. When E.V. first began in the ministry, he was a hard worker who wanted to provide for his wife, but he was also a young preacher who struggled to make enough money just to pay for the necessities.

Pastor Hill’s wife appreciated his efforts to protect and provide for her, even though some months there wasn’t enough money to pay all the bills. One night, he came home and noticed immediately that the house was dark. When he opened the door, he saw that his wife, Jane, had prepared a candlelight dinner. He loved the idea, but when he went to the bathroom to wash up, he flipped the light switch and nothing happened. Then he went to the bedroom and tried the lights. Again… there was nothing. The entire house was dark.

He went back and asked his wife why the lights didn’t work. Jane began to cry and said, “You work so hard, but it’s rough. I didn’t have enough money to pay the electric bill. I didn’t want you to know about it, so I thought we would just eat by candlelight!”

Dr. Hill described this experience with deep emotion: “My wife could have said, “I never had this happen in the home I was raised in.” But she didn’t berate or blame him. Instead she said, “Somehow we’ll get these lights back on, but tonight let’s eat by candlelight.”

Our calling to love and respect is a calling regardless of what the other person does. It’s sacrificial. It’s in the scriptures. It works!

Verbally
Cut out (ok…cut back) complaining and add in compliments.

If you want to have a peaceful, happy marriage, learn the art of the compliment. Compliments are like magnets and the more you compliment your husband the more he will be attracted to you. Begin to notice when he does it right and verbally encourage him by complimenting him at least once a day. If you are having a hard time thinking of anything to admire, consider these categories: physical traits, mental skills, financial strengths, spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with others (children, parents, or friends).

You may be asking “Hey, why should I compliment him when he NEVER compliments me?” Because, if you want your marriage to grow and bloom, you’ll have to water it with kindness and encouragement. Then, as he sees your sincere efforts, he will begin to change too. Don’t give up.

If you do need to bring up a difficult issue, place it between two compliments, also known as a “Compliment Sandwich.” Here’s an example, “Honey, I know how hard you work for our money and that Sally’s braces will be expensive, but I need your decision before her appointment tomorrow. I hope we can do this for her, but if you want to wait, I trust your judgment. What should I tell the orthodontist? ”

Intellectually
Men like to solve problems and fix things. So appeal to his intelligence by asking him to help you solve a problem. Instead of saying “Clean up your camping stuff, this garage is a mess!” Try, “I’d like your help with something. Could you figure out a storage system for all the camping supplies?”

Don’t imply that he isn’t smart. Instead of saying “I think you are wrong about….” Say, “I’m confused about…please explain it again.” (Remember to keep your tone of voice free of sarcasm.)

Ask for his help on Spiritual matters too. Ask him to explain a passage of Scripture or ask him to pray for you when you are going through a difficult time. If your husband is not the spiritual leader in your home, continue to pray for him and ask him if there is anything you are doing that is hindering his relationship with God.

Men don’t give a lot of weight to feelings—show them facts and they’ll be more likely to listen. For example: if he wants to buy a car that you think is too expensive, don’t launch into a hissy-fit, write out your monthly expenses and ask him what other things should be cut out in order to buy his car. Let the facts speak for you.

When you cannot reach an agreement, instead of trying to wear him down by nagging or crying ask him, “Is that your final decision or can I still try to convince you? If it’s his final decision, then honor it. It’s freeing—let him carry the responsibility of your family.

Physically
Physically-ask what he would like you to do and then, do it. Find out what his top three needs are. Ron likes the laundry done, sex twice a week (guaranteed!) and he likes me to keep my “girly-make-up stuff” off of the bathroom counter. If these top needs are met, he’s content and easy to get along with. I know it sounds simple, but each of us have different things that make us feel loved and appreciated. You won’t know what he wants unless you ask him.

Be aware of your body language. You can communicate disrespect by rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or slamming doors. Reflect your new decision to respect your husband in your heart, mind, and body.

Change your attitude and actions
Respect is both a verb and a noun: an action and an attitude so begin today to respect your husband in thought, word, and deed. He will be more willing and able to give you the love and affection you need if he is respected and admired. When I began to respect my husband, he was skeptical at first. However as he saw that I was committed to change, he began to treat me differently—lovingly. We now teach at couples’ events, helping others discover the blessings of true love in action.

Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you obey His word.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

1. Pay attention to body language. There’s a way of looking at a person that implies contempt or defiance. The look is hard to describe, but we all know it in others. Now, look for it in yourself. Do you roll your eyes when your husband’s talking? Do the corners of your mouth turn up? And so on. This is in the Bible, Proverbs 30:17,
   “The eye that mocks at his father and despises to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out and the young eagles shall eat it”.
2. Listen to how you say it–as well as what you say. There is a way of saying, “Yes, Honey” that means “No way, Buster!” We call it sarcasm. Good words that connote bad things.
3. Give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Assume he knows best. In other words, say “yes” unless there’s a strong reason to ask “why”.
4. When you have to question him or even disregard what he says, do it without defying him. There’s more than one way to say No. Choose the humblest way.
5. Never ever overrule him in front of the children!

Excerpt from Grace Baptist Church

• Express faith in his decision and ability.

• Leave him notes (men respond better to the written word) that tell him how much you value who he is as a person (and sometimes for his work).

• If he botches a task at home, don’t sigh, roll your eyes, and mutter at him; instead, thank him for trying.

• Make positive suggestions without demanding an immediate answer. Ask him to reflect on it for a while.

• Listen to his upsets and don’t take his anger personally.

• Let him vent when he needs to.

• Encourage him in areas where he doesn’t feel secure and let him know you stand behind him.

• When he makes a decision you’re not in favor of, listen.

• Talk about his positive strengths in front of the children.

• Praise him at least once a day.

• Discover the uniqueness of his personality and learn to understand him and communicate better with him.

• Accept his maleness and celebrate the differences that come from this.

Geek Males need play time. Whether it’s Xbox, Warcraft, or building PC’s from parts, geek guys need time to engage in said activities. Without harassment. You may not know a Tauren from a Master Chief, but just because you may not get it doesn’t mean he doesn’t think its pretty dang awesome.Side note: This is true for any hobby, really. If you haven’t found a way to give your guy a couple of nights to do what he likes without interruption, you’re going to find yourself single fairly soon.If you engage in the same activities (and enjoy them – no fair just “pretending” so you can be included), that opens up the possibilities. Heck, girls like Magic just as much as boys do and any Geek worth his salt loves a woman who knows how rock the DPS.

2a. NOTE: Geeks do have a tendency to lose track of time and may go over limit. Pulling your geek away from his hobbies may at times seem daunting, but I’m sure you can think of a way to get his attention ;-).

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